{"id":43,"date":"2019-02-25T20:46:59","date_gmt":"2019-02-25T20:46:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.ryerson.ca\/dracula\/chapter\/dracula-19\/"},"modified":"2019-02-26T01:29:02","modified_gmt":"2019-02-26T01:29:02","slug":"dracula-19","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/chapter\/dracula-19\/","title":{"raw":"Chapter 19 - Jonathan Harker's Journal","rendered":"Chapter 19 – Jonathan Harker’s Journal"},"content":{"raw":"\r\n
\r\n\r\n1 October, 5 a. m.\u2014I went with the party to the search with an\r\neasy mind, for I think I never saw Mina so absolutely strong and\r\nwell. I am so glad that she consented to hold back and let us men\r\ndo the work. Somehow, it was a dread to me that she was in this\r\nfearful business at all, but now that her work is done, and that it\r\nis due to her energy and brains and foresight that the whole story\r\nis put together in such a way that every point tells, she may well\r\nfeel that her part is finished, and that she can henceforth leave\r\nthe rest to us. We were, I think, all a little upset by the scene\r\nwith Mr. Renfield. When we came away from his room we were silent\r\ntill we got back to the study.\r\n\r\nThen Mr. Morris said to Dr. Seward, \"Say, Jack, if that man\r\nwasn't attempting a bluff, he is about the sanest lunatic I ever\r\nsaw. I'm not sure, but I believe that he had some serious purpose,\r\nand if he had, it was pretty rough on him not to get a chance.\"\r\n\r\nLord Godalming and I were silent, but Dr. Van Helsing added,\r\n\"Friend John, you know more lunatics than I do, and I'm glad of it,\r\nfor I fear that if it had been to me to decide I would before that\r\nlast hysterical outburst have given him free. But we live and\r\nlearn, and in our present task we must take no chance, as my friend\r\nQuincey would say. All is best as they are.\"\r\n\r\nDr. Seward seemed to answer them both in a dreamy kind of way,\r\n\"I don't know but that I agree with you. If that man had been an\r\nordinary lunatic I would have taken my chance of trusting him, but\r\nhe seems so mixed up with the Count in an indexy kind of way that I\r\nam afraid of doing anything wrong by helping his fads. I can't\r\nforget how he prayed with almost equal fervor for a cat, and then\r\ntried to tear my throat out with his teeth. Besides, he called the\r\nCount `lord and master', and he may want to get out to help him in\r\nsome diabolical way. That horrid thing has the wolves and the rats\r\nand his own kind to help him, so I suppose he isn't above trying to\r\nuse a respectable lunatic. He certainly did seem earnest, though. I\r\nonly hope we have done what is best. These things, in conjunction\r\nwith the wild work we have in hand, help to unnerve a man.\"\r\n\r\nThe Professor stepped over, and laying his hand on his shoulder,\r\nsaid in his grave, kindly way, \"Friend John, have no fear. We are\r\ntrying to do our duty in a very sad and terrible case, we can only\r\ndo as we deem best. What else have we to hope for, except the pity\r\nof the good God?\"\r\n\r\nLord Godalming had slipped away for a few minutes, but now he\r\nreturned. He held up a little silver whistle, as he remarked, \"That\r\nold place may be full of rats, and if so, I've got an antidote on\r\ncall.\"\r\n\r\nHaving passed the wall, we took our way to the house, taking\r\ncare to keep in the shadows of the trees on the lawn when the\r\nmoonlight shone out. When we got to the porch the Professor opened\r\nhis bag and took out a lot of things, which he laid on the step,\r\nsorting them into four little groups, evidently one for each. Then\r\nhe spoke.\r\n\r\n\"My friends, we are going into a terrible danger, and we need\r\narms of many kinds. Our enemy is not merely spiritual. Remember\r\nthat he has the strength of twenty men, and that, though our necks\r\nor our windpipes are of the common kind, and therefore breakable or\r\ncrushable, his are not amenable to mere strength. A stronger man,\r\nor a body of men more strong in all than him, can at certain times\r\nhold him, but they cannot hurt him as we can be hurt by him. We\r\nmust, therefore, guard ourselves from his touch. Keep this near\r\nyour heart.\" As he spoke he lifted a little silver crucifix and\r\nheld it out to me, I being nearest to him, \"put these flowers round\r\nyour neck,\" here he handed to me a wreath of withered garlic\r\nblossoms, \"for other enemies more mundane, this revolver and this\r\nknife, and for aid in all, these so small electric lamps, which you\r\ncan fasten to your breast, and for all, and above all at the last,\r\nthis, which we must not desecrate needless.\"\r\n\r\nThis was a portion of Sacred Wafer, which he put in an envelope\r\nand handed to me. Each of the others was similarly equipped.\r\n\r\n\"Now,\"he said,\"friend John, where are the skeleton keys? If so\r\nthat we can open the door, we need not break house by the window,\r\nas before at Miss Lucy's.\"\r\n\r\nDr. Seward tried one or two skeleton keys, his mechanical\r\ndexterity as a surgeon standing him in good stead. Presently he got\r\none to suit, after a little play back and forward the bolt yielded,\r\nand with a rusty clang, shot back. We pressed on the door, the\r\nrusty hinges creaked, and it slowly opened. It was startlingly like\r\nthe image conveyed to me in Dr. Seward's diary of the opening of\r\nMiss Westenra's tomb, I fancy that the same idea seemed to strike\r\nthe others, for with one accord they shrank back. The Professor was\r\nthe first to move forward, and stepped into the open door.\r\n\r\n\"In manus tuas, Domine!\"he said, crossing himself as he passed\r\nover the threshold. We closed the door behind us, lest when we\r\nshould have lit our lamps we should possibly attract attention from\r\nthe road. The Professor carefully tried the lock, lest we might not\r\nbe able to open it from within should we be in a hurry making our\r\nexit. Then we all lit our lamps and proceeded on our search.\r\n\r\nThe light from the tiny lamps fell in all sorts of odd forms, as\r\nthe rays crossed each other, or the opacity of our bodies threw\r\ngreat shadows. I could not for my life get away from the feeling\r\nthat there was someone else amongst us. I suppose it was the\r\nrecollection, so powerfully brought home to me by the grim\r\nsurroundings, of that terrible experience in Transylvania. I think\r\nthe feeling was common to us all, for I noticed that the others\r\nkept looking over their shoulders at every sound and every new\r\nshadow, just as I felt myself doing.\r\n\r\nThe whole place was thick with dust. The floor was seemingly\r\ninches deep, except where there were recent footsteps, in which on\r\nholding down my lamp I could see marks of hobnails where the dust\r\nwas cracked. The walls were fluffy and heavy with dust, and in the\r\ncorners were masses of spider's webs, whereon the dust had gathered\r\ntill they looked like old tattered rags as the weight had torn them\r\npartly down. On a table in the hall was a great bunch of keys, with\r\na timeyellowed label on each. They had been used several times, for\r\non the table were several similar rents in the blanket of dust,\r\nsimilar to that exposed when the Professor lifted them.\r\n\r\nHe turned to me and said,\"You know this place, Jonathan. You\r\nhave copied maps of it, and you know it at least more than we do.\r\nWhich is the way to the chapel?\"\r\n\r\nI had an idea of its direction, though on my former visit I had\r\nnot been able to get admission to it, so I led the way, and after a\r\nfew wrong turnings found myself opposite a low, arched oaken door,\r\nribbed with iron bands.\r\n\r\n\"This is the spot,\" said the Professor as he turned his lamp on\r\na small map of the house, copied from the file of my original\r\ncorrespondence regarding the purchase. With a little trouble we\r\nfound the key on the bunch and opened the door. We were prepared\r\nfor some unpleasantness, for as we were opening the door a faint,\r\nmalodorous air seemed to exhale through the gaps, but none of us\r\never expected such an odor as we encountered. None of the others\r\nhad met the Count at all at close quarters, and when I had seen him\r\nhe was either in the fasting stage of his existence in his rooms\r\nor, when he was bloated with fresh blood, in a ruined building open\r\nto the air, but here the place was small and close, and the long\r\ndisuse had made the air stagnant and foul. There was an earthy\r\nsmell, as of some dry miasma, which came through the fouler air.\r\nBut as to the odor itself, how shall I describe it? It was not\r\nalone that it was composed of all the ills of mortality and with\r\nthe pungent, acrid smell of blood, but it seemed as though\r\ncorruption had become itself corrupt. Faugh! It sickens me to think\r\nof it. Every breath exhaled by that monster seemed to have clung to\r\nthe place and intensified its loathsomeness.\r\n\r\nUnder ordinary circumstances such a stench would have brought\r\nour enterprise to an end, but this was no ordinary case, and the\r\nhigh and terrible purpose in which we were involved gave us a\r\nstrength which rose above merely physical considerations. After the\r\ninvoluntary shrinking consequent on the first nauseous whiff, we\r\none and all set about our work as though that loathsome place were\r\na garden of roses.\r\n\r\nWe made an accurate examination of the place, the Professor\r\nsaying as we began, \"The first thing is to see how many of the\r\nboxes are left, we must then examine every hole and corner and\r\ncranny and see if we cannot get some clue as to what has become of\r\nthe rest.\"\r\n\r\nA glance was sufficient to show how many remained, for the great\r\nearth chests were bulky, and there was no mistaking them.\r\n\r\nThere were only twenty-nine left out of the fifty! Once I got a\r\nfright, for, seeing Lord Godalming suddenly turn and look out of\r\nthe vaulted door into the dark passage beyond, I looked too, and\r\nfor an instant my heart stood still. Somewhere, looking out from\r\nthe shadow, I seemed to see the high lights of the Count's evil\r\nface, the ridge of the nose, the red eyes, the red lips, the awful\r\npallor. It was only for a moment, for, as Lord Godalming said,\"I\r\nthought I saw a face, but it was only the shadows,\" and resumed his\r\ninquiry, I turned my lamp in the direction, and stepped into the\r\npassage. There was no sign of anyone, and as there were no corners,\r\nno doors, no aperture of any kind, but only the solid walls of the\r\npassage, there could be no hiding place even for him. I took it\r\nthat fear had helped imagination, and said nothing.\r\n\r\nA few minutes later I saw Morris step suddenly back from a\r\ncorner, which he was examining. We all followed his movements with\r\nour eyes, for undoubtedly some nervousness was growing on us, and\r\nwe saw a whole mass of phosphorescence, which twinkled like stars.\r\nWe all instinctively drew back. The whole place was becoming alive\r\nwith rats.\r\n\r\nFor a moment or two we stood appalled, all save Lord Godalming,\r\nwho was seemingly prepared for such an emergency. Rushing over to\r\nthe great iron-bound oaken door, which Dr. Seward had described\r\nfrom the outside, and which I had seen myself, he turned the key in\r\nthe lock, drew the huge bolts, and swung the door open. Then,\r\ntaking his little silver whistle from his pocket, he blew a low,\r\nshrill call. It was answered from behind Dr. Seward's house by the\r\nyelping of dogs, and after about a minute three terriers came\r\ndashing round the corner of the house. Unconsciously we had all\r\nmoved towards the door, and as we moved I noticed that the dust had\r\nbeen much disturbed. The boxes which had been taken out had been\r\nbrought this way. But even in the minute that had elapsed the\r\nnumber of the rats had vastly increased. They seemed to swarm over\r\nthe place all at once, till the lamplight, shining on their moving\r\ndark bodies and glittering, baleful eyes, made the place look like\r\na bank of earth set with fireflies. The dogs dashed on, but at the\r\nthreshold suddenly stopped and snarled, and then,simultaneously\r\nlifting their noses, began to howl in most lugubrious fashion. The\r\nrats were multiplying in thousands, and we moved out.\r\n\r\nLord Godalming lifted one of the dogs, and carrying him in,\r\nplaced him on the floor. The instant his feet touched the ground he\r\nseemed to recover his courage, and rushed at his natural enemies.\r\nThey fled before him so fast that before he had shaken the life out\r\nof a score, the other dogs, who had by now been lifted in the same\r\nmanner, had but small prey ere the whole mass had vanished.\r\n\r\nWith their going it seemed as if some evil presence had\r\ndeparted, for the dogs frisked about and barked merrily as they\r\nmade sudden darts at their prostrate foes, and turned them over and\r\nover and tossed them in the air with vicious shakes. We all seemed\r\nto find our spirits rise. Whether it was the purifying of the\r\ndeadly atmosphere by the opening of the chapel door, or the relief\r\nwhich we experienced by finding ourselves in the open I know not,\r\nbut most certainly the shadow of dread seemed to slip from us like\r\na robe, and the occasion of our coming lost something of its grim\r\nsignificance, though we did not slacken a whit in our resolution.\r\nWe closed the outer door and barred and locked it, and bringing the\r\ndogs with us, began our search of the house. We found nothing\r\nthroughout except dust in extraordinary proportions, and all\r\nuntouched save for my own footsteps when I had made my first visit.\r\nNever once did the dogs exhibit any symptom of uneasiness, and even\r\nwhen we returned to the chapel they frisked about as though they\r\nhad been rabbit hunting in a summer wood.\r\n\r\nThe morning was quickening in the east when we emerged from the\r\nfront. Dr. Van Helsing had taken the key of the hall door from the\r\nbunch, and locked the door in orthodox fashion, putting the key\r\ninto his pocket when he had done.\r\n\r\n\"So far,\" he said, \"our night has been eminently successful. No\r\nharm has come to us such as I feared might be and yet we have\r\nascertained how many boxes are missing. More than all do I rejoice\r\nthat this, our first, and perhaps our most difficult and dangerous,\r\nstep has been accomplished without the bringing thereinto our most\r\nsweet Madam Mina or troubling her waking or sleeping thoughts with\r\nsights and sounds and smells of horror which she might never\r\nforget. One lesson, too, we have learned, if it be allowable to\r\nargue a particulari, that the brute beasts which are to the Count's\r\ncommand are yet themselves not amenable to his spiritual power, for\r\nlook, these rats that would come to his call, just as from his\r\ncastle top he summon the wolves to your going and to that poor\r\nmother's cry, though they come to him, they run pell-mell from the\r\nso little dogs of my friend Arthur. We have other matters before\r\nus, other dangers, other fears, and that monster\u00a0\u2026 He has not\r\nused his power over the brute world for the only or the last time\r\ntonight. So be it that he has gone elsewhere. Good! It has given us\r\nopportunity to cry `check'in some ways in this chess game, which we\r\nplay for the stake of human souls. And now let us go home. The dawn\r\nis close at hand, and we have reason to be content with our first\r\nnight's work. It may be ordained that we have many nights and days\r\nto follow, if full of peril, but we must go on, and from no danger\r\nshall we shrink.\"\r\n\r\nThe house was silent when we got back, save for some poor\r\ncreature who was screaming away in one of the distant wards, and a\r\nlow, moaning sound from Renfield's room. The poor wretch was\r\ndoubtless torturing himself, after the manner of the insane, with\r\nneedless thoughts of pain.\r\n\r\nI came tiptoe into our own room, and found Mina asleep,\r\nbreathing so softly that I had to put my ear down to hear it. She\r\nlooks paler than usual. I hope the meeting tonight has not upset\r\nher. I am truly thankful that she is to be left out of our future\r\nwork, and even of our deliberations. It is too great a strain for a\r\nwoman to bear. I did not think so at first, but I know better now.\r\nTherefore I am glad that it is settled. There may be things which\r\nwould frighten her to hear, and yet to conceal them from her might\r\nbe worse than to tell her if once she suspected that there was any\r\nconcealment. Henceforth our work is to be a sealed book to her,\r\ntill at least such time as we can tell her that all is finished,\r\nand the earth free from a monster of the nether world. I daresay it\r\nwill be difficult to begin to keep silence after such confidence as\r\nours, but I must be resolute, and tomorrow I shall keep dark over\r\ntonight's doings, and shall refuse to speak of anything that has\r\nhappened. I rest on the sofa, so as not to disturb her.\r\n\r\n1 October, later.\u2014I suppose it was natural that we should have\r\nall overslept ourselves, for the day was a busy one, and the night\r\nhad no rest at all. Even Mina must have felt its exhaustion, for\r\nthough I slept till the sun was high, I was awake before her, and\r\nhad to call two or three times before she awoke. Indeed, she was so\r\nsound asleep that for a few seconds she did not recognize me, but\r\nlooked at me with a sort of blank terror, as one looks who has been\r\nwaked out of a bad dream. She complained a little of being tired,\r\nand I let her rest till later in the day. We now know of twenty-one\r\nboxes having been removed, and if it be that several were taken in\r\nany of these removals we may be able to trace them all. Such will,\r\nof course, immensely simplify our labor, and the sooner the matter\r\nis attended to the better. I shall look up Thomas Snelling\r\ntoday.\r\n\r\nDR. SEWARD'S DIARY\r\n\r\n1 October.\u2014It was towards noon when I was awakened by the\r\nProfessor walking into my room. He was more jolly and cheerful than\r\nusual, and it is quite evident that last night's work has helped to\r\ntake some of the brooding weight off his mind.\r\n\r\nAfter going over the adventure of the night he suddenly said,\r\n\"Your patient interests me much. May it be that with you I visit\r\nhim this morning? Or if that you are too occupy, I can go alone if\r\nit may be. It is a new experience to me to find a lunatic who talk\r\nphilosophy, and reason so sound.\"\r\n\r\nI had some work to do which pressed, so I told him that if he\r\nwould go alone I would be glad, as then I should not have to keep\r\nhim waiting, so I called an attendant and gave him the necessary\r\ninstructions. Before the Professor left the room I cautioned him\r\nagainst getting any false impression from my patient.\r\n\r\n\"But,\" he answered, \"I want him to talk of himself and of his\r\ndelusion as to consuming live things. He said to Madam Mina, as I\r\nsee in your diary of yesterday, that he had once had such a belief.\r\nWhy do you smile, friend John?\"\r\n\r\n\"Excuse me,\" I said, \"but the answer is here.\" I laid my hand on\r\nthe typewritten matter.\"When our sane and learned lunatic made that\r\nvery statement of how he used to consume life, his mouth was\r\nactually nauseous with the flies and spiders which he had eaten\r\njust before Mrs. Harker entered the room.\"\r\n\r\nVan Helsing smiled in turn. \"Good!\" he said. \"Your memory is\r\ntrue, friend John. I should have remembered. And yet it is this\r\nvery obliquity of thought and memory which makes mental disease\r\nsuch a fascinating study. Perhaps I may gain more knowledge out of\r\nthe folly of this madman than I shall from the teaching of the most\r\nwise. Who knows?\"\r\n\r\nI went on with my work, and before long was through that in\r\nhand. It seemed that the time had been very short indeed, but there\r\nwas Van Helsing back in the study.\r\n\r\n\"Do I interrupt?\" he asked politely as he stood at the door.\r\n\r\n\"Not at all,\"I answered. \"Come in. My work is finished, and I am\r\nfree. I can go with you now, if you like.\"\r\n\r\n\"It is needless, I have seen him!\"\r\n\r\n\"Well?\"\r\n\r\n\"I fear that he does not appraise me at much. Our interview was\r\nshort. When I entered his room he was sitting on a stool in the\r\ncenter, with his elbows on his knees, and his face was the picture\r\nof sullen discontent. I spoke to him as cheerfully as I could, and\r\nwith such a measure of respect as I could assume. He made no reply\r\nwhatever. 'Don't you know me?' I asked. His answer was not\r\nreassuring. \"I know you well enough, you are the old fool Van\r\nHelsing. I wish you would take yourself and your idiotic brain\r\ntheories somewhere else. Damn all thick-headed Dutchmen!' Not a\r\nword more would he say, but sat in his implacable sullenness as\r\nindifferent to me as though I had not been in the room at all. Thus\r\ndeparted for this time my chance of much learning from this so\r\nclever lunatic, so I shall go, if I may, and cheer myself with a\r\nfew happy words with that sweet soul Madam Mina. Friend John, it\r\ndoes rejoice me unspeakable that she is no more to be pained, no\r\nmore to be worried with our terrible things. Though we shall much\r\nmiss her help, it is better so.\"\r\n\r\n\"I agree with you with all my heart,\" I answered earnestly, for\r\nI did not want him to weaken in this matter. \"Mrs. Harker is better\r\nout of it. Things are quite bad enough for us, all men of the\r\nworld, and who have been in many tight places in our time, but it\r\nis no place for a woman, and if she had remained in touch with the\r\naffair, it would in time infallibly have wrecked her.\"\r\n\r\nSo Van Helsing has gone to confer with Mrs. Harker and Harker,\r\nQuincey and Art are all out following up the clues as to the earth\r\nboxes. I shall finish my round of work and we shall meet\r\ntonight.\r\n\r\nMINA HARKER'S JOURNAL\r\n\r\n1 October.\u2014It is strange to me to be kept in the dark as I am\r\ntoday, after Jonathan's full confidence for so many years, to see\r\nhim manifestly avoid certain matters, and those the most vital of\r\nall. This morning I slept late after the fatigues of yesterday, and\r\nthough Jonathan was late too, he was the earlier. He spoke to me\r\nbefore he went out, never more sweetly or tenderly, but he never\r\nmentioned a word of what had happened in the visit to the Count's\r\nhouse. And yet he must have known how terribly anxious I was. Poor\r\ndear fellow! I suppose it must have distressed him even more than\r\nit did me. They all agreed that it was best that I should not be\r\ndrawn further into this awful work, and I acquiesced. But to think\r\nthat he keeps anything from me! And now I am crying like a silly\r\nfool, when I know it comes from my husband's great love and from\r\nthe good, good wishes of those other strong men.\r\n\r\nThat has done me good. Well, some day Jonathan will tell me all.\r\nAnd lest it should ever be that he should think for a moment that I\r\nkept anything from him, I still keep my journal as usual. Then if\r\nhe has feared of my trust I shall show it to him, with every\r\nthought of my heart put down for his dear eyes to read. I feel\r\nstrangely sad and low-spirited today. I suppose it is the reaction\r\nfrom the terrible excitement.\r\n\r\nLast night I went to bed when the men had gone, simply because\r\nthey told me to. I didn't feel sleepy, and I did feel full of\r\ndevouring anxiety. I kept thinking over everything that has been\r\never since Jonathan came to see me in London, and it all seems like\r\na horrible tragedy, with fate pressing on relentlessly to some\r\ndestined end. Everything that one does seems, no matter how right\r\nit me be, to bring on the very thing which is most to be deplored.\r\nIf I hadn't gone to Whitby, perhaps poor dear Lucy would be with us\r\nnow. She hadn't taken to visiting the churchyard till I came, and\r\nif she hadn't come there in the day time with me she wouldn't have\r\nwalked in her sleep. And if she hadn't gone there at night and\r\nasleep, that monster couldn't have destroyed her as he did. Oh, why\r\ndid I ever go to Whitby? There now, crying again! I wonder what has\r\ncome over me today. I must hide it from Jonathan, for if he knew\r\nthat I had been crying twice in one morning\u00a0\u2026 I, who never\r\ncried on my own account, and whom he has never caused to shed a\r\ntear, the dear fellow would fret his heart out. I shall put a bold\r\nface on, and if I do feel weepy, he shall never see it. I suppose\r\nit is just one of the lessons that we poor women have to\r\nlearn\u00a0\u2026\r\n\r\nI can't quite remember how I fell asleep last night. I remember\r\nhearing the sudden barking of the dogs and a lot of queer sounds,\r\nlike praying on a very tumultuous scale, from Mr. Renfield's room,\r\nwhich is somewhere under this. And then there was silence over\r\neverything, silence so profound that it startled me, and I got up\r\nand looked out of the window. All was dark and silent, the black\r\nshadows thrown by the moonlight seeming full of a silent mystery of\r\ntheir own. Not a thing seemed to be stirring, but all to be grim\r\nand fixed as death or fate, so that a thin streak of white\r\nmist,that crept with almost imperceptible slowness across the grass\r\ntowards the house, seemed to have a sentience and a vitality of its\r\nown. I think that the digression of my thoughts must have done me\r\ngood, for when I got back to bed I found a lethargy creeping over\r\nme. I lay a while, but could not quite sleep, so I got out and\r\nlooked out of the window again. The mist was spreading, and was now\r\nclose up to the house, so that I could see it lying thick against\r\nthe wall, as though it were stealing up to the windows. The poor\r\nman was more loud than ever, and though I could not distinguish a\r\nword he said, I could in some way recognize in his tones some\r\npassionate entreaty on his part. Then there was the sound of a\r\nstruggle, and I knew that the attendants were dealing with him. I\r\nwas so frightened that I crept into bed, and pulled the clothes\r\nover my head, putting my fingers in my ears. I was not then a bit\r\nsleepy, at least so I thought, but I must have fallen asleep, for\r\nexcept dreams, I do not remember anything until the morning, when\r\nJonathan woke me. I think that it took me an effort and a little\r\ntime to realize where I was, and that it was Jonathan who was\r\nbending over me. My dream was very peculiar, and was almost typical\r\nof the way that waking thoughts become merged in, or continued in,\r\ndreams.\r\n\r\nI thought that I was asleep, and waiting for Jonathan to come\r\nback. I was very anxious about him, and I was powerless to act, my\r\nfeet, and my hands, and my brain were weighted, so that nothing\r\ncould proceed at the usual pace. And so I slept uneasily and\r\nthought. Then it began to dawn upon me that the air was heavy, and\r\ndank, and cold. I put back the clothes from my face, and found, to\r\nmy surprise, that all was dim around. The gaslight which I had left\r\nlit for Jonathan, but turned down, came only like a tiny red spark\r\nthrough the fog, which had evidently grown thicker and poured into\r\nthe room. Then it occurred to me that I had shut the window before\r\nI had come to bed. I would have got out to make certain on the\r\npoint, but some leaden lethargy seemed to chain my limbs and even\r\nmy will. I lay still and endured, that was all. I closed my eyes,\r\nbut could still see through my eyelids. (It is wonderful what\r\ntricks our dreams play us, and how conveniently we can imagine.)\r\nThe mist grew thicker and thicker and I could see now how it came\r\nin, for I could see it like smoke, or with the white energy of\r\nboiling water, pouring in, not through the window, but through the\r\njoinings of the door. It got thicker and thicker, till it seemed as\r\nif it became concentrated into a sort of pillar of cloud in the\r\nroom, through the top of which I could see the light of the gas\r\nshining like a red eye. Things began to whirl through my brain just\r\nas the cloudy column was now whirling in the room, and through it\r\nall came the scriptural words \"a pillar of cloud by day and of fire\r\nby night.\" Was it indeed such spiritual guidance that was coming to\r\nme in my sleep? But the pillar was composed of both the day and the\r\nnight guiding, for the fire was in the red eye, which at the\r\nthought gat a new fascination for me, till, as I looked, the fire\r\ndivided, and seemed to shine on me through the fog like two red\r\neyes, such as Lucy told me of in her momentary mental wandering\r\nwhen, on the cliff, the dying sunlight struck the windows of St.\r\nMary's Church. Suddenly the horror burst upon me that it was thus\r\nthat Jonathan had seen those awful women growing into reality\r\nthrough the whirling mist in the moonlight, and in my dream I must\r\nhave fainted, for all became black darkness. The last conscious\r\neffort which imagination made was to show me a livid white face\r\nbending over me out of the mist.\r\n\r\nI must be careful of such dreams, for they would unseat one's\r\nreason if there were too much of them. I would get Dr. Van Helsing\r\nor Dr. Seward to prescribe something for me which would make me\r\nsleep, only that I fear to alarm them. Such a dream at the present\r\ntime would become woven into their fears for me. Tonight I shall\r\nstrive hard to sleep naturally. If I do not, I shall tomorrow night\r\nget them to give me a dose of chloral, that cannot hurt me for\r\nonce, and it will give me a good night's sleep. Last night tired me\r\nmore than if I had not slept at all.\r\n\r\n2 October 10 p. m.\u2014Last night I slept, but did not dream. I must\r\nhave slept soundly, for I was not waked by Jonathan coming to bed,\r\nbut the sleep has not refreshed me, for today I feel terribly weak\r\nand spiritless. I spent all yesterday trying to read, or lying down\r\ndozing. In the afternon, Mr. Renfield asked if he might see me.Poor\r\nman, he was very gentle, and when I came away he kissed my hand and\r\nbade God bless me. Some way it affected me much. I am crying when I\r\nthink of him. This is a new weakness, of which I must be careful.\r\nJonathan would be miserable if he knew I had been crying. He and\r\nthe others were out till dinner time, and they all came in tired. I\r\ndid what I could to brighten them up, and I suppose that the effort\r\ndid me good, for I forgot how tired I was. After dinner they sent\r\nme to bed, and all went off to smoke together, as they said, but I\r\nknew that they wanted to tell each other of what had occurred to\r\neach during the day. I could see from Jonathan's manner that he had\r\nsomething important to communicate. I was not so sleepy as I should\r\nhave been, so before they went I asked Dr. Seward to give me a\r\nlittle opiate of some kind, as I had not slept well the night\r\nbefore. He very kindly made me up a sleeping draught, which he gave\r\nto me, telling me that it would do me no harm, as it was very\r\nmild\u00a0\u2026 I have taken it, and am waiting for sleep, which still\r\nkeeps aloof. I hope I have not done wrong, for as sleep begins to\r\nflirt with me, a new fear comes, that I may have been foolish in\r\nthus depriving myself of the power of waking. I might want it. Here\r\ncomes sleep. Goodnight.\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n","rendered":"
\n

1 October, 5 a. m.\u2014I went with the party to the search with an
\neasy mind, for I think I never saw Mina so absolutely strong and
\nwell. I am so glad that she consented to hold back and let us men
\ndo the work. Somehow, it was a dread to me that she was in this
\nfearful business at all, but now that her work is done, and that it
\nis due to her energy and brains and foresight that the whole story
\nis put together in such a way that every point tells, she may well
\nfeel that her part is finished, and that she can henceforth leave
\nthe rest to us. We were, I think, all a little upset by the scene
\nwith Mr. Renfield. When we came away from his room we were silent
\ntill we got back to the study.<\/p>\n

Then Mr. Morris said to Dr. Seward, “Say, Jack, if that man
\nwasn’t attempting a bluff, he is about the sanest lunatic I ever
\nsaw. I’m not sure, but I believe that he had some serious purpose,
\nand if he had, it was pretty rough on him not to get a chance.”<\/p>\n

Lord Godalming and I were silent, but Dr. Van Helsing added,
\n“Friend John, you know more lunatics than I do, and I’m glad of it,
\nfor I fear that if it had been to me to decide I would before that
\nlast hysterical outburst have given him free. But we live and
\nlearn, and in our present task we must take no chance, as my friend
\nQuincey would say. All is best as they are.”<\/p>\n

Dr. Seward seemed to answer them both in a dreamy kind of way,
\n“I don’t know but that I agree with you. If that man had been an
\nordinary lunatic I would have taken my chance of trusting him, but
\nhe seems so mixed up with the Count in an indexy kind of way that I
\nam afraid of doing anything wrong by helping his fads. I can’t
\nforget how he prayed with almost equal fervor for a cat, and then
\ntried to tear my throat out with his teeth. Besides, he called the
\nCount `lord and master’, and he may want to get out to help him in
\nsome diabolical way. That horrid thing has the wolves and the rats
\nand his own kind to help him, so I suppose he isn’t above trying to
\nuse a respectable lunatic. He certainly did seem earnest, though. I
\nonly hope we have done what is best. These things, in conjunction
\nwith the wild work we have in hand, help to unnerve a man.”<\/p>\n

The Professor stepped over, and laying his hand on his shoulder,
\nsaid in his grave, kindly way, “Friend John, have no fear. We are
\ntrying to do our duty in a very sad and terrible case, we can only
\ndo as we deem best. What else have we to hope for, except the pity
\nof the good God?”<\/p>\n

Lord Godalming had slipped away for a few minutes, but now he
\nreturned. He held up a little silver whistle, as he remarked, “That
\nold place may be full of rats, and if so, I’ve got an antidote on
\ncall.”<\/p>\n

Having passed the wall, we took our way to the house, taking
\ncare to keep in the shadows of the trees on the lawn when the
\nmoonlight shone out. When we got to the porch the Professor opened
\nhis bag and took out a lot of things, which he laid on the step,
\nsorting them into four little groups, evidently one for each. Then
\nhe spoke.<\/p>\n

“My friends, we are going into a terrible danger, and we need
\narms of many kinds. Our enemy is not merely spiritual. Remember
\nthat he has the strength of twenty men, and that, though our necks
\nor our windpipes are of the common kind, and therefore breakable or
\ncrushable, his are not amenable to mere strength. A stronger man,
\nor a body of men more strong in all than him, can at certain times
\nhold him, but they cannot hurt him as we can be hurt by him. We
\nmust, therefore, guard ourselves from his touch. Keep this near
\nyour heart.” As he spoke he lifted a little silver crucifix and
\nheld it out to me, I being nearest to him, “put these flowers round
\nyour neck,” here he handed to me a wreath of withered garlic
\nblossoms, “for other enemies more mundane, this revolver and this
\nknife, and for aid in all, these so small electric lamps, which you
\ncan fasten to your breast, and for all, and above all at the last,
\nthis, which we must not desecrate needless.”<\/p>\n

This was a portion of Sacred Wafer, which he put in an envelope
\nand handed to me. Each of the others was similarly equipped.<\/p>\n

“Now,”he said,”friend John, where are the skeleton keys? If so
\nthat we can open the door, we need not break house by the window,
\nas before at Miss Lucy’s.”<\/p>\n

Dr. Seward tried one or two skeleton keys, his mechanical
\ndexterity as a surgeon standing him in good stead. Presently he got
\none to suit, after a little play back and forward the bolt yielded,
\nand with a rusty clang, shot back. We pressed on the door, the
\nrusty hinges creaked, and it slowly opened. It was startlingly like
\nthe image conveyed to me in Dr. Seward’s diary of the opening of
\nMiss Westenra’s tomb, I fancy that the same idea seemed to strike
\nthe others, for with one accord they shrank back. The Professor was
\nthe first to move forward, and stepped into the open door.<\/p>\n

“In manus tuas, Domine!”he said, crossing himself as he passed
\nover the threshold. We closed the door behind us, lest when we
\nshould have lit our lamps we should possibly attract attention from
\nthe road. The Professor carefully tried the lock, lest we might not
\nbe able to open it from within should we be in a hurry making our
\nexit. Then we all lit our lamps and proceeded on our search.<\/p>\n

The light from the tiny lamps fell in all sorts of odd forms, as
\nthe rays crossed each other, or the opacity of our bodies threw
\ngreat shadows. I could not for my life get away from the feeling
\nthat there was someone else amongst us. I suppose it was the
\nrecollection, so powerfully brought home to me by the grim
\nsurroundings, of that terrible experience in Transylvania. I think
\nthe feeling was common to us all, for I noticed that the others
\nkept looking over their shoulders at every sound and every new
\nshadow, just as I felt myself doing.<\/p>\n

The whole place was thick with dust. The floor was seemingly
\ninches deep, except where there were recent footsteps, in which on
\nholding down my lamp I could see marks of hobnails where the dust
\nwas cracked. The walls were fluffy and heavy with dust, and in the
\ncorners were masses of spider’s webs, whereon the dust had gathered
\ntill they looked like old tattered rags as the weight had torn them
\npartly down. On a table in the hall was a great bunch of keys, with
\na timeyellowed label on each. They had been used several times, for
\non the table were several similar rents in the blanket of dust,
\nsimilar to that exposed when the Professor lifted them.<\/p>\n

He turned to me and said,”You know this place, Jonathan. You
\nhave copied maps of it, and you know it at least more than we do.
\nWhich is the way to the chapel?”<\/p>\n

I had an idea of its direction, though on my former visit I had
\nnot been able to get admission to it, so I led the way, and after a
\nfew wrong turnings found myself opposite a low, arched oaken door,
\nribbed with iron bands.<\/p>\n

“This is the spot,” said the Professor as he turned his lamp on
\na small map of the house, copied from the file of my original
\ncorrespondence regarding the purchase. With a little trouble we
\nfound the key on the bunch and opened the door. We were prepared
\nfor some unpleasantness, for as we were opening the door a faint,
\nmalodorous air seemed to exhale through the gaps, but none of us
\never expected such an odor as we encountered. None of the others
\nhad met the Count at all at close quarters, and when I had seen him
\nhe was either in the fasting stage of his existence in his rooms
\nor, when he was bloated with fresh blood, in a ruined building open
\nto the air, but here the place was small and close, and the long
\ndisuse had made the air stagnant and foul. There was an earthy
\nsmell, as of some dry miasma, which came through the fouler air.
\nBut as to the odor itself, how shall I describe it? It was not
\nalone that it was composed of all the ills of mortality and with
\nthe pungent, acrid smell of blood, but it seemed as though
\ncorruption had become itself corrupt. Faugh! It sickens me to think
\nof it. Every breath exhaled by that monster seemed to have clung to
\nthe place and intensified its loathsomeness.<\/p>\n

Under ordinary circumstances such a stench would have brought
\nour enterprise to an end, but this was no ordinary case, and the
\nhigh and terrible purpose in which we were involved gave us a
\nstrength which rose above merely physical considerations. After the
\ninvoluntary shrinking consequent on the first nauseous whiff, we
\none and all set about our work as though that loathsome place were
\na garden of roses.<\/p>\n

We made an accurate examination of the place, the Professor
\nsaying as we began, “The first thing is to see how many of the
\nboxes are left, we must then examine every hole and corner and
\ncranny and see if we cannot get some clue as to what has become of
\nthe rest.”<\/p>\n

A glance was sufficient to show how many remained, for the great
\nearth chests were bulky, and there was no mistaking them.<\/p>\n

There were only twenty-nine left out of the fifty! Once I got a
\nfright, for, seeing Lord Godalming suddenly turn and look out of
\nthe vaulted door into the dark passage beyond, I looked too, and
\nfor an instant my heart stood still. Somewhere, looking out from
\nthe shadow, I seemed to see the high lights of the Count’s evil
\nface, the ridge of the nose, the red eyes, the red lips, the awful
\npallor. It was only for a moment, for, as Lord Godalming said,”I
\nthought I saw a face, but it was only the shadows,” and resumed his
\ninquiry, I turned my lamp in the direction, and stepped into the
\npassage. There was no sign of anyone, and as there were no corners,
\nno doors, no aperture of any kind, but only the solid walls of the
\npassage, there could be no hiding place even for him. I took it
\nthat fear had helped imagination, and said nothing.<\/p>\n

A few minutes later I saw Morris step suddenly back from a
\ncorner, which he was examining. We all followed his movements with
\nour eyes, for undoubtedly some nervousness was growing on us, and
\nwe saw a whole mass of phosphorescence, which twinkled like stars.
\nWe all instinctively drew back. The whole place was becoming alive
\nwith rats.<\/p>\n

For a moment or two we stood appalled, all save Lord Godalming,
\nwho was seemingly prepared for such an emergency. Rushing over to
\nthe great iron-bound oaken door, which Dr. Seward had described
\nfrom the outside, and which I had seen myself, he turned the key in
\nthe lock, drew the huge bolts, and swung the door open. Then,
\ntaking his little silver whistle from his pocket, he blew a low,
\nshrill call. It was answered from behind Dr. Seward’s house by the
\nyelping of dogs, and after about a minute three terriers came
\ndashing round the corner of the house. Unconsciously we had all
\nmoved towards the door, and as we moved I noticed that the dust had
\nbeen much disturbed. The boxes which had been taken out had been
\nbrought this way. But even in the minute that had elapsed the
\nnumber of the rats had vastly increased. They seemed to swarm over
\nthe place all at once, till the lamplight, shining on their moving
\ndark bodies and glittering, baleful eyes, made the place look like
\na bank of earth set with fireflies. The dogs dashed on, but at the
\nthreshold suddenly stopped and snarled, and then,simultaneously
\nlifting their noses, began to howl in most lugubrious fashion. The
\nrats were multiplying in thousands, and we moved out.<\/p>\n

Lord Godalming lifted one of the dogs, and carrying him in,
\nplaced him on the floor. The instant his feet touched the ground he
\nseemed to recover his courage, and rushed at his natural enemies.
\nThey fled before him so fast that before he had shaken the life out
\nof a score, the other dogs, who had by now been lifted in the same
\nmanner, had but small prey ere the whole mass had vanished.<\/p>\n

With their going it seemed as if some evil presence had
\ndeparted, for the dogs frisked about and barked merrily as they
\nmade sudden darts at their prostrate foes, and turned them over and
\nover and tossed them in the air with vicious shakes. We all seemed
\nto find our spirits rise. Whether it was the purifying of the
\ndeadly atmosphere by the opening of the chapel door, or the relief
\nwhich we experienced by finding ourselves in the open I know not,
\nbut most certainly the shadow of dread seemed to slip from us like
\na robe, and the occasion of our coming lost something of its grim
\nsignificance, though we did not slacken a whit in our resolution.
\nWe closed the outer door and barred and locked it, and bringing the
\ndogs with us, began our search of the house. We found nothing
\nthroughout except dust in extraordinary proportions, and all
\nuntouched save for my own footsteps when I had made my first visit.
\nNever once did the dogs exhibit any symptom of uneasiness, and even
\nwhen we returned to the chapel they frisked about as though they
\nhad been rabbit hunting in a summer wood.<\/p>\n

The morning was quickening in the east when we emerged from the
\nfront. Dr. Van Helsing had taken the key of the hall door from the
\nbunch, and locked the door in orthodox fashion, putting the key
\ninto his pocket when he had done.<\/p>\n

“So far,” he said, “our night has been eminently successful. No
\nharm has come to us such as I feared might be and yet we have
\nascertained how many boxes are missing. More than all do I rejoice
\nthat this, our first, and perhaps our most difficult and dangerous,
\nstep has been accomplished without the bringing thereinto our most
\nsweet Madam Mina or troubling her waking or sleeping thoughts with
\nsights and sounds and smells of horror which she might never
\nforget. One lesson, too, we have learned, if it be allowable to
\nargue a particulari, that the brute beasts which are to the Count’s
\ncommand are yet themselves not amenable to his spiritual power, for
\nlook, these rats that would come to his call, just as from his
\ncastle top he summon the wolves to your going and to that poor
\nmother’s cry, though they come to him, they run pell-mell from the
\nso little dogs of my friend Arthur. We have other matters before
\nus, other dangers, other fears, and that monster\u00a0\u2026 He has not
\nused his power over the brute world for the only or the last time
\ntonight. So be it that he has gone elsewhere. Good! It has given us
\nopportunity to cry `check’in some ways in this chess game, which we
\nplay for the stake of human souls. And now let us go home. The dawn
\nis close at hand, and we have reason to be content with our first
\nnight’s work. It may be ordained that we have many nights and days
\nto follow, if full of peril, but we must go on, and from no danger
\nshall we shrink.”<\/p>\n

The house was silent when we got back, save for some poor
\ncreature who was screaming away in one of the distant wards, and a
\nlow, moaning sound from Renfield’s room. The poor wretch was
\ndoubtless torturing himself, after the manner of the insane, with
\nneedless thoughts of pain.<\/p>\n

I came tiptoe into our own room, and found Mina asleep,
\nbreathing so softly that I had to put my ear down to hear it. She
\nlooks paler than usual. I hope the meeting tonight has not upset
\nher. I am truly thankful that she is to be left out of our future
\nwork, and even of our deliberations. It is too great a strain for a
\nwoman to bear. I did not think so at first, but I know better now.
\nTherefore I am glad that it is settled. There may be things which
\nwould frighten her to hear, and yet to conceal them from her might
\nbe worse than to tell her if once she suspected that there was any
\nconcealment. Henceforth our work is to be a sealed book to her,
\ntill at least such time as we can tell her that all is finished,
\nand the earth free from a monster of the nether world. I daresay it
\nwill be difficult to begin to keep silence after such confidence as
\nours, but I must be resolute, and tomorrow I shall keep dark over
\ntonight’s doings, and shall refuse to speak of anything that has
\nhappened. I rest on the sofa, so as not to disturb her.<\/p>\n

1 October, later.\u2014I suppose it was natural that we should have
\nall overslept ourselves, for the day was a busy one, and the night
\nhad no rest at all. Even Mina must have felt its exhaustion, for
\nthough I slept till the sun was high, I was awake before her, and
\nhad to call two or three times before she awoke. Indeed, she was so
\nsound asleep that for a few seconds she did not recognize me, but
\nlooked at me with a sort of blank terror, as one looks who has been
\nwaked out of a bad dream. She complained a little of being tired,
\nand I let her rest till later in the day. We now know of twenty-one
\nboxes having been removed, and if it be that several were taken in
\nany of these removals we may be able to trace them all. Such will,
\nof course, immensely simplify our labor, and the sooner the matter
\nis attended to the better. I shall look up Thomas Snelling
\ntoday.<\/p>\n

DR. SEWARD’S DIARY<\/p>\n

1 October.\u2014It was towards noon when I was awakened by the
\nProfessor walking into my room. He was more jolly and cheerful than
\nusual, and it is quite evident that last night’s work has helped to
\ntake some of the brooding weight off his mind.<\/p>\n

After going over the adventure of the night he suddenly said,
\n“Your patient interests me much. May it be that with you I visit
\nhim this morning? Or if that you are too occupy, I can go alone if
\nit may be. It is a new experience to me to find a lunatic who talk
\nphilosophy, and reason so sound.”<\/p>\n

I had some work to do which pressed, so I told him that if he
\nwould go alone I would be glad, as then I should not have to keep
\nhim waiting, so I called an attendant and gave him the necessary
\ninstructions. Before the Professor left the room I cautioned him
\nagainst getting any false impression from my patient.<\/p>\n

“But,” he answered, “I want him to talk of himself and of his
\ndelusion as to consuming live things. He said to Madam Mina, as I
\nsee in your diary of yesterday, that he had once had such a belief.
\nWhy do you smile, friend John?”<\/p>\n

“Excuse me,” I said, “but the answer is here.” I laid my hand on
\nthe typewritten matter.”When our sane and learned lunatic made that
\nvery statement of how he used to consume life, his mouth was
\nactually nauseous with the flies and spiders which he had eaten
\njust before Mrs. Harker entered the room.”<\/p>\n

Van Helsing smiled in turn. “Good!” he said. “Your memory is
\ntrue, friend John. I should have remembered. And yet it is this
\nvery obliquity of thought and memory which makes mental disease
\nsuch a fascinating study. Perhaps I may gain more knowledge out of
\nthe folly of this madman than I shall from the teaching of the most
\nwise. Who knows?”<\/p>\n

I went on with my work, and before long was through that in
\nhand. It seemed that the time had been very short indeed, but there
\nwas Van Helsing back in the study.<\/p>\n

“Do I interrupt?” he asked politely as he stood at the door.<\/p>\n

“Not at all,”I answered. “Come in. My work is finished, and I am
\nfree. I can go with you now, if you like.”<\/p>\n

“It is needless, I have seen him!”<\/p>\n

“Well?”<\/p>\n

“I fear that he does not appraise me at much. Our interview was
\nshort. When I entered his room he was sitting on a stool in the
\ncenter, with his elbows on his knees, and his face was the picture
\nof sullen discontent. I spoke to him as cheerfully as I could, and
\nwith such a measure of respect as I could assume. He made no reply
\nwhatever. ‘Don’t you know me?’ I asked. His answer was not
\nreassuring. “I know you well enough, you are the old fool Van
\nHelsing. I wish you would take yourself and your idiotic brain
\ntheories somewhere else. Damn all thick-headed Dutchmen!’ Not a
\nword more would he say, but sat in his implacable sullenness as
\nindifferent to me as though I had not been in the room at all. Thus
\ndeparted for this time my chance of much learning from this so
\nclever lunatic, so I shall go, if I may, and cheer myself with a
\nfew happy words with that sweet soul Madam Mina. Friend John, it
\ndoes rejoice me unspeakable that she is no more to be pained, no
\nmore to be worried with our terrible things. Though we shall much
\nmiss her help, it is better so.”<\/p>\n

“I agree with you with all my heart,” I answered earnestly, for
\nI did not want him to weaken in this matter. “Mrs. Harker is better
\nout of it. Things are quite bad enough for us, all men of the
\nworld, and who have been in many tight places in our time, but it
\nis no place for a woman, and if she had remained in touch with the
\naffair, it would in time infallibly have wrecked her.”<\/p>\n

So Van Helsing has gone to confer with Mrs. Harker and Harker,
\nQuincey and Art are all out following up the clues as to the earth
\nboxes. I shall finish my round of work and we shall meet
\ntonight.<\/p>\n

MINA HARKER’S JOURNAL<\/p>\n

1 October.\u2014It is strange to me to be kept in the dark as I am
\ntoday, after Jonathan’s full confidence for so many years, to see
\nhim manifestly avoid certain matters, and those the most vital of
\nall. This morning I slept late after the fatigues of yesterday, and
\nthough Jonathan was late too, he was the earlier. He spoke to me
\nbefore he went out, never more sweetly or tenderly, but he never
\nmentioned a word of what had happened in the visit to the Count’s
\nhouse. And yet he must have known how terribly anxious I was. Poor
\ndear fellow! I suppose it must have distressed him even more than
\nit did me. They all agreed that it was best that I should not be
\ndrawn further into this awful work, and I acquiesced. But to think
\nthat he keeps anything from me! And now I am crying like a silly
\nfool, when I know it comes from my husband’s great love and from
\nthe good, good wishes of those other strong men.<\/p>\n

That has done me good. Well, some day Jonathan will tell me all.
\nAnd lest it should ever be that he should think for a moment that I
\nkept anything from him, I still keep my journal as usual. Then if
\nhe has feared of my trust I shall show it to him, with every
\nthought of my heart put down for his dear eyes to read. I feel
\nstrangely sad and low-spirited today. I suppose it is the reaction
\nfrom the terrible excitement.<\/p>\n

Last night I went to bed when the men had gone, simply because
\nthey told me to. I didn’t feel sleepy, and I did feel full of
\ndevouring anxiety. I kept thinking over everything that has been
\never since Jonathan came to see me in London, and it all seems like
\na horrible tragedy, with fate pressing on relentlessly to some
\ndestined end. Everything that one does seems, no matter how right
\nit me be, to bring on the very thing which is most to be deplored.
\nIf I hadn’t gone to Whitby, perhaps poor dear Lucy would be with us
\nnow. She hadn’t taken to visiting the churchyard till I came, and
\nif she hadn’t come there in the day time with me she wouldn’t have
\nwalked in her sleep. And if she hadn’t gone there at night and
\nasleep, that monster couldn’t have destroyed her as he did. Oh, why
\ndid I ever go to Whitby? There now, crying again! I wonder what has
\ncome over me today. I must hide it from Jonathan, for if he knew
\nthat I had been crying twice in one morning\u00a0\u2026 I, who never
\ncried on my own account, and whom he has never caused to shed a
\ntear, the dear fellow would fret his heart out. I shall put a bold
\nface on, and if I do feel weepy, he shall never see it. I suppose
\nit is just one of the lessons that we poor women have to
\nlearn\u00a0\u2026<\/p>\n

I can’t quite remember how I fell asleep last night. I remember
\nhearing the sudden barking of the dogs and a lot of queer sounds,
\nlike praying on a very tumultuous scale, from Mr. Renfield’s room,
\nwhich is somewhere under this. And then there was silence over
\neverything, silence so profound that it startled me, and I got up
\nand looked out of the window. All was dark and silent, the black
\nshadows thrown by the moonlight seeming full of a silent mystery of
\ntheir own. Not a thing seemed to be stirring, but all to be grim
\nand fixed as death or fate, so that a thin streak of white
\nmist,that crept with almost imperceptible slowness across the grass
\ntowards the house, seemed to have a sentience and a vitality of its
\nown. I think that the digression of my thoughts must have done me
\ngood, for when I got back to bed I found a lethargy creeping over
\nme. I lay a while, but could not quite sleep, so I got out and
\nlooked out of the window again. The mist was spreading, and was now
\nclose up to the house, so that I could see it lying thick against
\nthe wall, as though it were stealing up to the windows. The poor
\nman was more loud than ever, and though I could not distinguish a
\nword he said, I could in some way recognize in his tones some
\npassionate entreaty on his part. Then there was the sound of a
\nstruggle, and I knew that the attendants were dealing with him. I
\nwas so frightened that I crept into bed, and pulled the clothes
\nover my head, putting my fingers in my ears. I was not then a bit
\nsleepy, at least so I thought, but I must have fallen asleep, for
\nexcept dreams, I do not remember anything until the morning, when
\nJonathan woke me. I think that it took me an effort and a little
\ntime to realize where I was, and that it was Jonathan who was
\nbending over me. My dream was very peculiar, and was almost typical
\nof the way that waking thoughts become merged in, or continued in,
\ndreams.<\/p>\n

I thought that I was asleep, and waiting for Jonathan to come
\nback. I was very anxious about him, and I was powerless to act, my
\nfeet, and my hands, and my brain were weighted, so that nothing
\ncould proceed at the usual pace. And so I slept uneasily and
\nthought. Then it began to dawn upon me that the air was heavy, and
\ndank, and cold. I put back the clothes from my face, and found, to
\nmy surprise, that all was dim around. The gaslight which I had left
\nlit for Jonathan, but turned down, came only like a tiny red spark
\nthrough the fog, which had evidently grown thicker and poured into
\nthe room. Then it occurred to me that I had shut the window before
\nI had come to bed. I would have got out to make certain on the
\npoint, but some leaden lethargy seemed to chain my limbs and even
\nmy will. I lay still and endured, that was all. I closed my eyes,
\nbut could still see through my eyelids. (It is wonderful what
\ntricks our dreams play us, and how conveniently we can imagine.)
\nThe mist grew thicker and thicker and I could see now how it came
\nin, for I could see it like smoke, or with the white energy of
\nboiling water, pouring in, not through the window, but through the
\njoinings of the door. It got thicker and thicker, till it seemed as
\nif it became concentrated into a sort of pillar of cloud in the
\nroom, through the top of which I could see the light of the gas
\nshining like a red eye. Things began to whirl through my brain just
\nas the cloudy column was now whirling in the room, and through it
\nall came the scriptural words “a pillar of cloud by day and of fire
\nby night.” Was it indeed such spiritual guidance that was coming to
\nme in my sleep? But the pillar was composed of both the day and the
\nnight guiding, for the fire was in the red eye, which at the
\nthought gat a new fascination for me, till, as I looked, the fire
\ndivided, and seemed to shine on me through the fog like two red
\neyes, such as Lucy told me of in her momentary mental wandering
\nwhen, on the cliff, the dying sunlight struck the windows of St.
\nMary’s Church. Suddenly the horror burst upon me that it was thus
\nthat Jonathan had seen those awful women growing into reality
\nthrough the whirling mist in the moonlight, and in my dream I must
\nhave fainted, for all became black darkness. The last conscious
\neffort which imagination made was to show me a livid white face
\nbending over me out of the mist.<\/p>\n

I must be careful of such dreams, for they would unseat one’s
\nreason if there were too much of them. I would get Dr. Van Helsing
\nor Dr. Seward to prescribe something for me which would make me
\nsleep, only that I fear to alarm them. Such a dream at the present
\ntime would become woven into their fears for me. Tonight I shall
\nstrive hard to sleep naturally. If I do not, I shall tomorrow night
\nget them to give me a dose of chloral, that cannot hurt me for
\nonce, and it will give me a good night’s sleep. Last night tired me
\nmore than if I had not slept at all.<\/p>\n

2 October 10 p. m.\u2014Last night I slept, but did not dream. I must
\nhave slept soundly, for I was not waked by Jonathan coming to bed,
\nbut the sleep has not refreshed me, for today I feel terribly weak
\nand spiritless. I spent all yesterday trying to read, or lying down
\ndozing. In the afternon, Mr. Renfield asked if he might see me.Poor
\nman, he was very gentle, and when I came away he kissed my hand and
\nbade God bless me. Some way it affected me much. I am crying when I
\nthink of him. This is a new weakness, of which I must be careful.
\nJonathan would be miserable if he knew I had been crying. He and
\nthe others were out till dinner time, and they all came in tired. I
\ndid what I could to brighten them up, and I suppose that the effort
\ndid me good, for I forgot how tired I was. After dinner they sent
\nme to bed, and all went off to smoke together, as they said, but I
\nknew that they wanted to tell each other of what had occurred to
\neach during the day. I could see from Jonathan’s manner that he had
\nsomething important to communicate. I was not so sleepy as I should
\nhave been, so before they went I asked Dr. Seward to give me a
\nlittle opiate of some kind, as I had not slept well the night
\nbefore. He very kindly made me up a sleeping draught, which he gave
\nto me, telling me that it would do me no harm, as it was very
\nmild\u00a0\u2026 I have taken it, and am waiting for sleep, which still
\nkeeps aloof. I hope I have not done wrong, for as sleep begins to
\nflirt with me, a new fear comes, that I may have been foolish in
\nthus depriving myself of the power of waking. I might want it. Here
\ncomes sleep. Goodnight.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"menu_order":19,"template":"","meta":{"pb_show_title":"on","pb_short_title":"","pb_subtitle":"","pb_authors":[],"pb_section_license":""},"chapter-type":[],"contributor":[],"license":[],"class_list":["post-43","chapter","type-chapter","status-publish","hentry"],"part":3,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/43","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/chapter"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/43\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":81,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/43\/revisions\/81"}],"part":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/parts\/3"}],"metadata":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/43\/metadata\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"chapter-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapter-type?post=43"},{"taxonomy":"contributor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/contributor?post=43"},{"taxonomy":"license","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/dracula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/license?post=43"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}