I don\u2019t know why I should write this.<\/p>\r\nI don\u2019t want to.\r\n\r\nI don\u2019t feel able.\r\n\r\nAnd I know John would think it absurd. But I must<\/i> say what I feel and think in some way\u2014it is such a relief!\r\n\r\nBut the effort is getting to be greater than the relief.\r\n\r\nHalf the time now I am awfully lazy, and lie down ever so much.\r\n\r\nJohn says I musn\u2019t lose my strength, and has me take cod-liver oil and lots of tonics and things, to say nothing of ale and wine and rare meat.\r\n\r\nDear John! He loves me very dearly, and hates to have me sick. I tried to have a real earnest reasonable talk with him the other day, and tell him how I wish he would let me go and make a visit to Cousin Henry and Julia.\r\n\r\nBut he said I wasn\u2019t able to go, nor able to stand it after I got there; and I did not make out a very good case for myself, for I was crying before I had finished.\r\n\r\nIt is getting to be a great effort for me to think straight. Just this nervous weakness, I suppose.\r\n\r\nAnd dear John gathered me up in his arms, and just carried me upstairs and laid me on the bed, and sat by me and read to me till it tired my head.\r\n\r\nHe said I was his darling and his comfort and all he had, and that I must take care of myself for his sake, and keep well.\r\n\r\nHe says no one but myself can help me out of it, that I must use my will and self-control and not let any silly fancies run away with me.\r\n\r\nThere\u2019s one comfort, the baby is well and happy, and does not have to occupy this nursery with the horrid wallpaper.\r\n\r\nIf we had not used it that blessed child would have! What a fortunate escape! Why, I wouldn\u2019t have a child of mine, an impressionable little thing, live in such a room for worlds.\r\n\r\nI never thought of it before, but it is lucky that John kept me here after all. I can stand it so much easier than a baby, you see.\r\n\r\nOf course I never mention it to them any more,\u2014I am too wise,\u2014but I keep watch of it all the same.\r\n\r\nThere are things in that paper that nobody knows but me, or ever will.\r\n\r\nBehind that outside pattern the dim shapes get clearer every day.\r\n\r\nIt is always the same shape, only very numerous.\r\n\r\nAnd it is like a woman stooping down and creeping about behind that pattern. I don\u2019t like it a bit. I wonder\u2014I begin to think\u2014I wish John would take me away from here!","rendered":"
I don\u2019t know why I should write this.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t want to.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t feel able.<\/p>\n
And I know John would think it absurd. But I must<\/i> say what I feel and think in some way\u2014it is such a relief!<\/p>\n
But the effort is getting to be greater than the relief.<\/p>\n
Half the time now I am awfully lazy, and lie down ever so much.<\/p>\n
John says I musn\u2019t lose my strength, and has me take cod-liver oil and lots of tonics and things, to say nothing of ale and wine and rare meat.<\/p>\n
Dear John! He loves me very dearly, and hates to have me sick. I tried to have a real earnest reasonable talk with him the other day, and tell him how I wish he would let me go and make a visit to Cousin Henry and Julia.<\/p>\n
But he said I wasn\u2019t able to go, nor able to stand it after I got there; and I did not make out a very good case for myself, for I was crying before I had finished.<\/p>\n
It is getting to be a great effort for me to think straight. Just this nervous weakness, I suppose.<\/p>\n
And dear John gathered me up in his arms, and just carried me upstairs and laid me on the bed, and sat by me and read to me till it tired my head.<\/p>\n
He said I was his darling and his comfort and all he had, and that I must take care of myself for his sake, and keep well.<\/p>\n
He says no one but myself can help me out of it, that I must use my will and self-control and not let any silly fancies run away with me.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s one comfort, the baby is well and happy, and does not have to occupy this nursery with the horrid wallpaper.<\/p>\n
If we had not used it that blessed child would have! What a fortunate escape! Why, I wouldn\u2019t have a child of mine, an impressionable little thing, live in such a room for worlds.<\/p>\n
I never thought of it before, but it is lucky that John kept me here after all. I can stand it so much easier than a baby, you see.<\/p>\n
Of course I never mention it to them any more,\u2014I am too wise,\u2014but I keep watch of it all the same.<\/p>\n
There are things in that paper that nobody knows but me, or ever will.<\/p>\n
Behind that outside pattern the dim shapes get clearer every day.<\/p>\n
It is always the same shape, only very numerous.<\/p>\n
And it is like a woman stooping down and creeping about behind that pattern. I don\u2019t like it a bit. I wonder\u2014I begin to think\u2014I wish John would take me away from here!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":251,"menu_order":4,"template":"","meta":{"pb_show_title":"on","pb_short_title":"","pb_subtitle":"","pb_authors":[],"pb_section_license":""},"chapter-type":[48],"contributor":[],"license":[],"class_list":["post-49","chapter","type-chapter","status-publish","hentry","chapter-type-numberless"],"part":3,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/theyellowwallpaper\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/49","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/theyellowwallpaper\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/theyellowwallpaper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/chapter"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/theyellowwallpaper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/251"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/theyellowwallpaper\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/49\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":50,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/theyellowwallpaper\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/49\/revisions\/50"}],"part":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/theyellowwallpaper\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/parts\/3"}],"metadata":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/theyellowwallpaper\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapters\/49\/metadata\/"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/theyellowwallpaper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=49"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"chapter-type","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/theyellowwallpaper\/wp-json\/pressbooks\/v2\/chapter-type?post=49"},{"taxonomy":"contributor","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/theyellowwallpaper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/contributor?post=49"},{"taxonomy":"license","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pressbooks.library.torontomu.ca\/theyellowwallpaper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/license?post=49"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}